The ways families communicate and interact are unique to each family and to its members. The behavior among families is special, and is interlaced and intertwined among each individuals of that family. Each member of the family influences another member and the whole family at large, creating a system. The film The Father of the Bride portrays the uniqueness of family communication and the delicate formula between family members. George Banks, the father of Annie Banks, struggles with his daughter’s engagement and the idea of his family system changing. This paper will analyze the movie The Father of the Bride and its relationship with family communication, how families work as an intricate system, the goal to reduce the uncertainty of any new member to this system, and the rules which the family goes by to stabilize their system. George works to keep his family system at equilibrium, and through this effort he realizes how he affects the family system, understands he has to accept new members, and with his realization of the dynamics of a family system, the family changes their communication rules and relationship rules to create a better atmosphere for all.
Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson state that communication among family members differs from communication with others because it is communication with a family as a system, “a self-regulated, interdependent network of feedback loops guided by members’ rules” (Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967, p. 133) The Bank’s family works as a system; the behavior of one family member is affected by and impacts the behavior of another family member and the family as a whole. In the introduction of Father of the Bride, the audience easily identifies with George and how the maturity of his daughter has affected him and his family with her recent wedding. George discusses the different stages of his daughter, Annie’s, life, and how theses stages have directly and indirectly shaped the family and how they interact. A system, especially a family system, consists of many parts; the audience can see how the Bank’s family interacts as a system more specifically when they sit down as a family to the dinner table.
A family system consists of wholeness. Watzlawick et al., describe wholeness in the sense that “all behavior is communication and therefore influences and is influenced by others” (Watzlawick et al., 1967, p. 134). As the Banks sit down for dinner, the family goes over scheduling and any future events. George offers amazing concert tickets, and sports events for the family, yet Annie only responds with an “um, sure” (Shyer, 1991). The audience can see that there is something on Annie’s mind, and instead of getting excited about the upcoming events, she is distracted and has altered her reaction, aware of her upcoming news of her engagement. Annie’s news and anxiety about telling her family has influenced her to communicate differently than she would have normally. A family has communication patterns, and Annie deviated from her usual pattern.
Annie has individual characteristics that are specific to her family as a system. Watzlawick et al. describe this as nonsummativity; there are qualities of the system, interactional methods, and arrangements that supersede the particular facets of a family member (1967). When Annie responded to her father, George, unenthusiastically, it is clear that Annie has deviated from her usual pattern and response. Annie’s reaction catches the attention of George and Nina, and influences them to ask her what is wrong. Again, wholeness is incorporated in this family system, where Annie’s deviation from her usual pattern and her communication altogether influences the behavior and communication of her parents and the family as a whole. Annie then explains to her parents that she met someone important in Rome, and that the two are now engaged.
The family react to Annie’s news with feedback, the verbal and non-verbal response the family gives to Annie about her engagement news (Wood, 2008). The feedback the family gives to each member is important because it affects the system: how another person behaves, and how it influences their further communication, again referencing the notation of wholeness. George responds with negative feedback, as seen with his non-verbal cues he expresses confusion, shock, and discouragement with his eyes widening, grunts, and slightly heavier breathing. George starts laughing and says Annie is “too young to get married”, and that this news is “ridiculous” (Shyer, 1991). George responds with negative feedback because of his surprise with the news of his daughter’s engagement, and his struggle to keep her young and continue his family’s system as it has been.
George struggles to keep a family homeostasis, “the tacit collusion of family members to maintain the status quo” (Wood, 2008, p. 11). According to Watzlawick et al., (1967), “some families are unable to accept the inevitable manifestation of maturity in their child” (p. 139). When George hears the news of Annie’s engagement, he is frozen in time with a visual of his daughter from her youth, insinuating George’s desire for family homeostasis. George strives for homeostasis, but as in any system, change is inevitable, and there are unavoidable “interactive dynamics of the family” (Rogers, 2001, p. 25). According to Barbato, Graham, and Perse (2003), “when fathers talk to their children they do so for instrumentally controlling reasons” (p. 128). This is true for the Bank’s family, George wants to keep this family homeostasis and discusses it with his family in a very controlling manner, stating that Annie is too young and that the whole idea of Annie getting married is ridiculous. On the other hand, “mothers employ relationally-oriented motives when talking with their children” (Barbato et al., 2003, p.128). This refers to mothers being more affectionate, pleasing, and inclusive, which is seen when the Banks meet Brian, Annie’s fiancé, for the first time.
As a family system, “a unity of interacting personalities”, when a new variable comes into the mix, it can affect the family’s original system (Rogers, 2001, p. 25). “Inputs introduced to the family system are acted upon and modified by the system” (Watzlawick et al., 1967, p. 139). For the Bank’s, their new variable or input is Brian, Annie’s fiancé. As George has stated before in the introduction of the movie, like every father, he worries “about [Annie] meeting the kind of guy who only wants one thing…” proving his concern for his daughter’s partner (Shyer, 1991). When the Bank’s do meet Brian, both parties initiate Uncertainty Reduction Theory. People often find uncertainty uncomfortable, and are prone to reduce the ambiguity through communication (Wood, 2008). Uncertainty Reduction Theory states that people communicate more at initial encounters in order to understand and predict other’s motives, and behaviors (Griffin, 2009). As meeting one’s future son-in-law, a new variable or input to one’s family system, is important and uncomfortable, the Bank’s and Brian use direct and allusive methods to minimize the uncertainty.
Brian and most of the Bank’s family self-disclose information about themselves in order to reduce uncertainty. When one self-discloses, it increases their vulnerability, therefore in order to gain intimacy and a connection, people reciprocate self-disclosure (Griffin, 2009). Brian self-discloses about his past, his job, his plans with Annie, and how much he loves her, and he covers breadth and depth. Nina responds with warmth and affection, yet George seems reluctant to self-disclose any information about himself, keeping himself safe, and not vulnerable, indicating a lack of trust (Wood, 2008). When George does talk to Brian, he communicates in a domineering tone, which does not “lead to be dominant, but rather indicates unsettledness” (Rogers, 2001, p. 27). It is understandable why George would be unsettled; he is striving for family homeostasis, and is unsure about his daughter getting married, which would affect their family as a system. In order to stabilize a family and maintain competent communication among a system, a group or family can develop rules.
Families have basic communication rules and create relationship rules in time. These rules are “shared understandings among members of a particular culture or social group about what communication means and what behaviors are appropriate in various situations” (Wood, 2008, p. 211). Rules are developed in a system to create stability (Watzlawick et al., 1967). The Bank’s family have a set of rules they all adhere to on how to behave and what certain behavior means. Relationship rules that were created in the Bank’s family developed around the wedding. As wedding progressed, George stated that he should be the negotiator with the wedding coordinator. Yet, he eventually realized that he didn’t know what he was talking about, and decided to take the backseat with the wedding coordinator. The Bank family system decided to work together respectfully because George was focusing too much on the finances of the wedding, which could eventually ruin the excitement for Annie. They instituted communication rules; there are different types of communication rules: constitutive rules and regulative rules. Therefore, a regulative rule was created in the Bank’s family, that George would act accordingly as long as Annie and Nina didn’t “go nuts” with the respect to finances (Shyer, 1991). Yet, the expenses of the wedding continuously bothered George, he ultimately over-reacted by stealing hot dog buns at the market. George was arrested, and Nina had to come pick him up in jail. While George was imprisoned, Nina said she “would let him out under one condition”, that he abided by the new regulative rule. George was no longer allowed to undo his top button role his eyes, or show any unnecessary signs of frustration. The constitutive rule in the Bank’s family defined that George rolling his eyes, and unbuttoning his top button meant that he was aggravated. Nina expressed how his behavior was affecting the family system, and this new regulative rule came intact because she wanted George to realize that “with every roll of [George’s] eyes, [George] is taking away a piece of [his] daughter’s happiness” (Shyer, 1991). George promised to abide by their new rules, not only for Nina, but for the family as a whole, and their system because his actions not only affect one person, but they affect the whole interactional pattern of the system.
Through The Father of the Bride, the audience continuously watches the family communicate and work as an intricate system. Annie’s news of her engagement shakes George, which creates a chain reaction throughout the entire system, the Bank’s family. Although George wanted to keep a homeostasis in his family, he eventually realized that he needed to let his daughter go. Even through the hardship their family createdWith the new communication rules laid out by Nina, the Bank’s family is able to communicate more effectively. George keeps his aggravation to a minimal to allow Annie the excitement and happiness of her wedding. As this family grows and changes, the system changes, and the Bank’s learn more competent communication skills among their family. Competent communication is important in everyday life and in any family, it allows for more efficiency among members and a better atmosphere for all.
References
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Griffin, E. (2009). A first look at communication theory (7th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
Rogers, L. E. (2001). Relational communication in the context of family. The Journal of Family Communication, 1, 25-35.
Shyer, Charles. (Director). (1991). Father of the bride [Motion picture]. United States: Touchstone Films.
Watzlawick, P., Beavin, J. H., & Jackson, D. D. (1967). Pragmatics of human communication: A study of interactional pathologies and paradoxes. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
Wood, J.T. (2008). Communication mosaics with comm 101 supplements (5th ed.). Mason, OH: Cengage Learning.
