Dear Sarah and Tim,
REF: INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION.
First, congratulations on your recent engagement. I hope my counsel on effective interpersonal will benefit your relationship going forth. Basically, interpersonal communication is the process through which two or more people create and manage their relationships by exercising mutual responsibility in creating meaning.
Principles of effective interpersonal communication:
First, interpersonal communication is irreversible and inevitable. This is to say that you can never take back what you say or undo what you’ve done that was aimed to send a given to your partner. Similarly, you ought to be aware that it is impossible for the other other partner to “unreceive” a message they have already received (Knapp, 2002).
Secondly, interpersonal communication has to have a set of rules. Every successful romantic relationship has social rules or expectations upon which partners act during a conversation.
Thirdly, culture and power greatly affects interpersonal communication (Knapp, 2002). If your cultures are different, you must strive to understand the way of communication of the other to avoid misunderstandings. In terms of power, you ought to perceive each other as equal players regardless of your professional capacities.
Finally, interpersonal communication is changing with technology. Avoid becoming addicts of such gadgets as cellular phones and social networking.
Misconceptions:
i. Do not presume that effective interpersonal communication will solve all your problems. Clear communication of problems does not necessarily solve all your relationship problems. You ought to be as good at listening as you are at talking.
ii. Interpersonal communication is always a good thing – you should be aware that communication will not always be satisfying and rewarding. There are times when one of you may be less sincere.
iii. Interpersonal communication is a matter of common sense – besides common sense, you will need to employ extra repertoire of skills so as to reach informed choices in your relationship. You need to consider aspects of gender and culture (Knapp, 2002).
iv. Interpersonal communication is for interpersonal relationships – your relationship will only blossom if both of you demonstrate a sense of caring and respect for each other besides having significant periods of time to delve on your relational matters.
v. Interpersonal communication must be face to face – proper utilization of technology at your disposal will greatly benefit your communication even when far apart.
2. Role of Emotional Intelligence
Having the ability to properly and adequately identify, evaluate as well as control your emotions or that of your partner is key in your relationship (Knapp, 2002). You will need to have patience and understanding of dealing with the difficulties of life together with understanding of personal motivations, feelings and needs of your partner. Also, you need to be able to correctly read the other, refute arguments besides repairing bad feelings.
3. Barriers
Having known the essentials of effective interpersonal communication, it is essential to know the barriers.
i. Defensiveness – the fear of being hurt would often make you resort to protecting yourself too much
ii. motivational distortion – this alludes to the habit of only hearing what you want to hear as opposed to what is being communicated by your spouse (Knapp, 2002).
iii. Self-preoccupation – this is the crime of being too absorbed with oneself to allow the other person to equally participate.
iv. Game-playing – because of selfish interests, at times you may opt to manipulate the interaction or conceal your real motives during interpersonal communication.
4. Appropriate levels of self-disclosure
Self-disclosure refers to sharing of that personal information with the other person which they would ordinarily not know of or discover. It is a two way phenomenon meaning that it depends on an individual’s amount of disclosures and the other partner’s disclosures. Self-disclosure leads to romantic relationship satisfaction. However, keep in mind that too much self-disclosure too soon may put off your partner (Knapp, 2002).
5. Finally, it is a pleasure to inform you lovebirds of strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts. First, make sure to treat the conflict as normal and expected and not as catastrophic or personal. Then deal with issues as they arise because avoiding dealing with conflicts only makes situations worse because time does not often resolve matters, rather it decreases the chance of a positive outcome. Also, try to understand the other person’s point of view and not dismiss, blame, or put exclusive focus on your own perspective (Knapp, 2002). Take care not to judge emotions; even when you don’t understand it, try to acknowledge your spouse’s reaction as important. Furthermore, put focus on the behavior, or problem area without attacking your partner. Finally, refer the matter to higher authority like parents, counselor or your pastor when you can’t reach an a resolution between the two of you.
With this, Tim and Sarah, I hope I have helped to better your relationship through effective interpersonal communication.
Sincerely,
Local Counselor.
Reference:
Knapp, L. Mark, & Daly, Augustine, John. (2002). Handbook of Interpersonal Communication. United Kingdom, SAGE.
