Debra Fine the author of the book “The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to start a conversation, keep it going, build networking skills and leave a positive impression” discloses the methods and approaches that somebody can use to build polite conversation in any situation. In the initial chapters, she gives useful instruction on how to acquire awareness on ways of mastering the skill of first-rate conversation. She emphasizes on how to present our selves to the public, how to appreciate opinion and emotions, how to appreciate speech and non verbal messages and how to listen keenly. The text serves as a channel to helping a reader enhance their dialogue abilities through having self awareness and insight into peoples’ actions.
The author’s guidelines provide helpful networking tips on how to establish conversations and sustain them. She gives advice on how to introduce our selves, create a link, and start a meaningful talk. She has provided methods of developing dynamic listening skills and on how to live through a first meeting. In the mid sections of the book, she focuses on how to respond to queries in a job interview and how to get a job. Her book centers on how to expand business associations, and look self-confident while interacting at functions and networking events. The book will help a reader understand what conversation requires and why they ought to place all their fears aside and just start speaking. The book instructs on the essential ideas of what it is that others are interested in talking about. It is helpful as people can learn the power of a conversation and what behavior to keep away from in avoiding embarrassment.
It educates on how to meet up new people and how to take on listening abilities that will ensure they become better communicators. The author asserts that we should aim at regularly adding to our associates. She points out that sometimes nervousness can be taken to mean disrespect if a person is seen to be staying away from talks. Hence timid people should try and start discussions (Fine pg. 67). The author emphasizes that we ought to be conscious of the small things that we say in a conversation as they influence how others perceive us. She says we should be decisive. Fine has helpful advice on how to deal with insensitive people who speak constantly about themselves.
She also talks about how to rise above what our mothers had told us when we were young, such as that we should not talk to strangers or that “silence is golden”(Fine pg.29). She says we need to speak to strangers after deciding that they are safe to speak with as they can help us achieve our goals. The book also focuses how to break the silence as well as mastering introductions. She desires to help her reader widen their relationship building abilities. There is advice on how to minimize the uncomfortable pauses in a discussion and how to end conversations in an elegant manner. In one of the chapters the novelists emphasizes on the need to assume the “burden of small talk” (Fine pg. 2). In this chapter she says that people should take charge of conversations. She says that we should not depend on other people to carry on with the talk as monologues are boring.
She discourages a single word response as this shows someone is not interested in the talk. According to Fine, the initial step in becoming a fine talker is by investing in the talk and ensuring that the other person feels at ease (Fine pg. 167). She has given a few instances of icebreakers that aim to provide a refreshing change from shoptalk. Debra says that we must be prepared to take a risk of initiating the conversation. She says that remembering other peoples’ names show that we have an interest in them and that we should address them by their correct names. If we are in a party, we should not wait for the host to come and introduce us but do it ourselves. She addresses on “conversation killers” and ways of handling them politely to ensure that the discussion does not come to an abrupt end (Fine pg. 89). The final section of the book, talks about how to overcome communication obstacles and to refresh a failing discussion.
In “Looking Out/Looking In” by Adler and Proctor the chapters that relate to Fines text are chapter 3 on “Perception: What you see is what you get” where the writer has focused on the perception procedure, the influences it has and the usual views on perception (Adler &Proctor pg 16). The writer has advised on the need to arrange our thoughts as we obtain information from our surroundings. The writer says that the thoughts we have form the manner in which we perceive other people. This section relates to Fines book on the need to understand other people and the environment where the speech is taking place. Fine has focused on the importance of being organized in our thoughts as we make polite talk with others. She says that we ought to have a positive effect on other people. In the textbook, under the topic on interpretation, the author has discussed about how we view ourselves as this will change our interpretation.
This compares to the book in that the opinion we have of our selves determines our relationship with our associates. Fine has shared on the need to have high self esteem and confidence in order to feel at ease when we approach other people. In the same chapter of the textbook, the author has paid attention to how we evaluate ourselves. Do we hold others responsible for our mistakes or do we come clean? (Ronald & Proctor pg 25). Fine says of the same topic that we must fully accept our selves and our short comings and rise above that. In chapter six, the book focuses on non verbal communication and its importance in our daily lives. It talks about how we can control our individuality, and how the types of relationships we want with others affects us. It focuses on the functions of non verbal messages such as how they can be used to complement our speeches. The writers say that non verbal communication serves best to express feelings and ideas. In Fines book, the author has emphasized on the importance of using non verbal cues in conversation such as smiling and nodding.
The author says that we at times tend to believe that the way we feel is the way others feel which is not always the case and it can lead to problems in communication. We ought to recognize the differences that exist between us and other people. Our self centeredness at times makes us to rate ourselves better than others. Fine has also addressed on the issue of being egocentric saying that it can make us to be insensitive towards others. These serve to enhance the communication process as well as sending important messages which the other person gets immediately. Our textbook also talks about the role that gender plays in communication. This relates to the book because men and women approach issues differently and try to understand how each gender talks so as to communicate efficiently.
In chapter one of our text, the author examines the level to which people value one another and the capability to achieve ones individual objectives in a way that sustains a relationship on conditions that are suitable to the parties involved in the communication process. The writers look at our social need of influencing other people and the desire to be respected by others. Fine has also says that we should mingle with other people and learn to appreciate others as well. In chapter five of our textbook, the writer talks of the language barriers that exist and which make proper communication almost impossible (Ronald & Proctor pg 56). In the book, the author has stressed on the need to recognize the barriers that ere there in communication and try and overcome them. The author also talks of the practice of getting used to ones method of speech in order to go with that of other people.
In “Art of Small talk”, the author says that people appreciate a conversation in which they feel recognized, heard and significant. The two books are of the view that we ought to be warm and friendly towards other people so that we can be able to establish good relations with them. They are of the view that we must not be self centered in our dealings with people but try and understand how others view the world around us.
The two texts insist that use of nonverbal messages in communication is necessary as they put across messages which communicators may not say verbally. Such signals must not be ignored and when talking with others we ought to look out for those messages because we could get a deeper understanding of the people we are conversing with. The book has used illustrations such as real life stories to put across its message regarding how we view ourselves and how others think of us. The textbook has listed down the reasons in short points and used pictures to demonstrate this concept.
While the book has given more emphasis on polite conversations and how to understand ourselves better in order to be able to be successful in making polite talks. The textbook gives more insight on the communication process in general and how people perceive of themselves and others and not just on how to make successful polite talk. The textbook has given a lot of information on those topics but the book has picked on the specifics of how our opinion of our selves and of others affects our ability to start and sustain talks with strangers and old friends.
I would advocate the book by Fine to other people as I have found it to be a very resourceful book in my everyday life especially when interacting with other people. A person will learn useful tips on how he or she can initiate, sustain and end talks in a graceful way. This book should be included in the book list as scholars would benefit from it by learning how to express themselves. The book should also be read by people who are serious about hooking up with people without difficulty and efficiently. These people would be successful in their relations regardless of what kind of interaction it might be. This is because good communication is essential for a majority of the careers. Through the advice offered on the text, an individual is capable of turning every talk into a chance for success.
The book speaks about me as a talker because I am a shy person and a bit reserved. I also fear talking to strangers. I am not able to sustain a dialogue and find myself giving a one word response. But I do smile at people to show my appreciation of them which as Fine has said is important in conversations. The writer has addressed this problem in her book saying that although a person may be shy, they can try to initiate conversations by putting the fear aside and just begin talking. This is because some people may view a timid person as being arrogant when they fail to interact with others. She has given various examples of how someone can begin a talk and I have found this to be very useful. I will use those tips to improve on my conversation skills. Now I do not have to fear too much about what to say next.
When I started my first job, I feared talking to my boss or asking her questions because she is my senior and I wanted to maintain my job. Besides that, I thought if I asked too many questions, she might think I am unintelligent. I also feared making any mistakes since English is not my first language. Whenever she asked me any questions, I replied with a one word response and at some point, she suggested that I should ask if I did not know something and that I needed to start talking. Reading the book has helped me to reflect upon myself and my weaknesses. I know that I need to start communicating and give myself confidence whether I am in front of my seniors or with my friends. The book has given me a further insight into how and why I conversations are essential. I now feel more confident about myself, and apart from learning how to end talks in a graceful manner, I have learnt the little things that matter in a conversation such as paying attention to the person I am speaking to, maintaining eye contact with them as this helps me not to be afraid as well as making the other party feel involved.
I have a slight problem of using the expression I in my conversations and at times feel that perhaps I reveal too much about myself and am too much opinionated. I feel that others get mad at me because of this. I also don’t like people who have a similar problem. Through reading Fines book, I have learnt how to handle such people patiently. Previously, I had problems with my father because he speaks out his mind and wants me to do as he says, but I would like him to listen to me too and let me be. I have learnt that I need to listen to him more and try to handle him in a patient manner, although our ideals are different. He has responded positively, I guess it is because I have listened to him more. I will also try to involve the other person more as we speak so that I don’t appear to be self centered. Indeed it pays to seem interested in a talk as it is easier to keep the conversation going.
Work Cited:
Adler Ronald et al. Student Activities Manual for Adler/Proctor/Towne’s Looking Out/Looking In, 12th .New York: Wardsworth publishing company, 2007.
Ronald , B. & Adler Proctor .Looking Out Looking In. New York: Wardsworth publishing company, 2006.
Mehta Steven. 112 Ways to Succeed in Any Negotiation Or Mediation: Secrets from a Professional Mediator. California: AuthorHouse, 2009.
Fine Debra. The fine art of small talk: how to start a conversation, keep it going, build networking skills, and leave a positive impression. New York: Hyperion, 2005.
Bowker R. American book publishing record, Volume 46, Issues 9-10 .California: Bowker, 2005
