Topic: listening
Active listening can be rightfully defined as the process of listening, clarifying, giving feedback, together with self-disclosing. Listening is arguably the most important skill of communication skills, the other being reading, writing, and speaking. The listening process is not one-way; rather it is a two-way exchange that involves both the listener and the speaker. Both parties engage in verbal and non-verbal ways (Argawal 82). Identification of a good active is done by taking into consideration the following characteristics, which I have experienced in my childhood best friend:
The very first trait of a good active listener is the requirement to maintain eye contact with the speaker. My best friend has made it a habit of looking at the speaker in the face, especially at the speaker’s eyes. This is so as to create an impression on the part of the speaker that he (the listener) is not withdrawn, bored, or simply not listening. However the extent of maintaining eye contact with the speaker varies from person to person (Hargie 137). Thus he is culturally sensitive in that he tries to acquire prior understanding of some people who may be uncomfortable with a lot of direct eye contact. This is a trait of a good active listener because he understands that the essence of it all to listen to the speaker and not to intimidate them. For example, in instances where he is a junior in age or subordinate to the speaker from eastern countries, my best friend avoids direct eye contact with their superiors in line with the dictates of the latter’s culture.
Secondly, a good active listener can be judged from his/her body language when doing the listening itself (Agarwal 107). My friend often assumes an appropriate listening position in terms of sitting or standing in a comfortable position with his/her body focused well in the general area where the speaker is. Furthermore, he makes sure to take a relaxed position that shows that he is not disturbed in any way. More significantly, the young man is aware of other non-verbal’s such as degree of personal space, placement of arms, head nodding or shaking, smiling as well as leaning forward when necessary. Therefore, as an active listener, he usually adopts a flexible erect posture as opposed to a stiff or slouching one.
Conversely, he avoids sagging in the seat or dropping of the shoulders as it would say that he lacks interest or is depressed. This has to do with one of the communication theories – the gesture theory – that links speech and listening to gestures. In this respect the active listener understands the meaning of his/her gestures during the listening process. For instance, my best friend understands that becoming bleary eyed sends the message that he is not focusing, and frequent blinking would suggest that he is confused. As communication experts would have it, the bulk of communication is expressed through body language while a small percentage is through verbal ways (Agarwal 36). Thus as an active listener my friend is well aware of this and shows through his body language.
In addition, an active listener uses effective tools of listening in oral communication, the so-called Para-language. This is a trait that is synonymous with my good friend who often makes effective use of sounds like “ha’, ‘hmm’ or chuckles. Para-language also involves empathetic listening, which allude to the listener’s ability to imagine and share the speaker’s feeling, etc (Hargie 29). My colleague responds appropriately showing he has correct evaluation of the personality of the communicator. An active listener is generally attentive, something that I can praise my best friend for.
An active listener is not simply listening without contributing. He or she engages the speaker through such means as paraphrasing what the speaker has said. It is not uncommon to see my buddy paraphrasing the speaker’s words from time to time. He usually makes use of such phrases like: So basically how you felt was…, sounds like you are feeling…, what you are saying is…, in other words, etc. As an active listener, therefore, he affords the speaker a chance to gauge his understanding of whatever he or she (the speaker) is communicating. Linked with this, is the trait of an active listener to seek clarification from the speaker on areas not well followed (Agarwal 281). It is in the character of my dear friend to ask questions, especially open-ended questions that carry forward the communication. Also, he often takes advantage of the pausing or stopping of the speaker to make relevant comments as well as answer questions.
Furthermore, a good active listener is one who is aware of his or her own biases as is human nature to have them. The awareness makes the listener to avoid letting the personal biases to get in the way of what the speaker is saying (Hargie 91). I have noted that my friend makes effort to understand the speaker and the context as opposed to relying on personal experience to shape his opinions or conclusions.
Work Cited
Agarwal, Malti, Dr. Business Communication. India: Krishna Prakashan, nd.
