Revising Sentences Exercise
1) Rewrite the following sentences in form of a list.
a. The causes of burnout can be studied from three perspectives;
• Physiological- the roles of sleep, diet and physical fatigue.
• Psychological- the roles of guilt, fear, jealousy and frustration.
• Environmental- the role of physical surrounding at home and at work.
b. There are several problems with the online registration system used bat Dickerson University:
i. Lists of closed sections cannot be updated as often as necessary.
ii. Students who want to register in a closed section must be assigned to a special terminal.
iii. The computer staff is not trained to handle student problems.
iv. The computer centers own terminals cannot be used on the system. Therefore, the university has to rent 15 extra terminals to handle registration.
3) The following examples contain choppy, abrupt sentences. Combine the sentences to create a smoother style.
a) I need a figure on the surrender value of a policy. Can you get me this figure by tomorrow? The number of the policy is A4399827.
b) We didn’t get the results we anticipated. The program obviously contains an error. Please ask Paul Davis to test the program.
c) The supervisor is responsible for processing the outgoing mail, maintaining and operating the equipment.
5) In the following sentences, the unnecessary nominalization obscures the real verbs, revise the sentences to focus on the real verbs.
• Pollution constitutes major threats to the Wilson Wildlife Preserve.
• The evaluation of the four tire types gaming tendency will be accomplished by comparing the amount of rubber that can be scraped from the tires.
• Reduction in size of the tear gas has been already completed.
7) Correct punctuation or pronoun errors related to modifiers in the following sentences.
“You, press the greeting-record button to record the greeting which is stored in a microchip in the machine.”
The problem that has been traced from manufacturing delays has resulted to our losing four major contracts.
Please get in touch with Tom Harvey (who is updating the instructions).
9) Eliminate the dangling modifiers.
a. Your computer should provide good service for many years by following instructions.
b. One plaque was cut into nine sections to examine to examine its chemical homogeneity.
c. The boats in production could be modified for the February debut.
11) Rewrite the following sentences to remove inappropriate use of passive voice.
a. Most of the information you need will be gathered as you document the journals’ history.
b. Made mistakes.
c. Come to the reception desk when you arrive. They will pick a packet with your name.
13) Make up any reasonable details by replacing the vague elements with specific information.
a. The students’ examination results will not be available for a while.
b. The fire accident in that occurred in the lab destroyed many apparatus and the entire lab.
c. A soil analysis on the land beneath the new stadium revealed a greater compactness.
15) Convert the negative contractions to positive contractions.
a. William was accused by the management of filling trip reports that were accurate.
b. We must make sure that all our representatives act professionally towards our potential customers.
c. The shipment will be delayed if quality control disapproves any of the latest revisions.
17) Revise the sentences to eliminate clichés.
a. We hope the new program will constructively impact all our branches.
b. If we are to survive this difficult period, we are going to be ready to suffer.
c. If everyone is involve in the same act and it turns out to be bad, then you are in a great problem.
19) Eliminate the obvious material
a. To register to take a course, you must first determine whether the university will be offering that course.
b. The starting date of the project had to be postponed due to delay in obtaining the authorization from the project oversight committee.
c. After you have installed DataQuick, respond to questions about the process then mail the card to us.
21) Eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases
a. The module complexity will hamper the operator’s ability in the diagnosis of problems in equipment configuration.
b. The purpose of this test is to help you with the question of which major to enroll in.
c. Another approach advantage used by the Alpha team is that interfaces of different kinds can be combined.
23) Eliminate the fancy words.
a. This technique in soda-dispensing module is to be used by the personnel associated with the marketing department.
b. It is indeed a not intolerable deduction that we have been unsuccessful in our attempt to forward the proposal to the proper agency in advance of the ordered date by which such proposals must be in delivery.
c. Deposit your newspapers and other rubbish in the trash bins located on the station stage.
25) Revise the sentences to eliminate the offensive language.
a. This year the number of female lung cancer patients is expected to rise due to rampant smoking.
b. Mentally impaired people are finding greater opportunities in the service sector of the economy.
c. This bus is specially equipped to accommodate the physically challenged.
