CUSTOMIZE CONTENT: Opening paragraph: don’t open with definitions. Introduce topic in a more engaging way, perhaps with a real-life example of the phenomenon. Also, in this opening paragraph provide reader with a thesis statement or a statement of the main ideas developed in the body of the essay.
I would like to see paragraph #2 more fully developed. What more can be said about the pattern of domestic violence/sexual abuse on reservations? What is the trend over time – is it getting better or worse? How do the rates and trends compare to the U.S. As a whole? Answering this latter question would help to put this issue in context.
The conclusion is too brief and rather anticlimatic. Try to leave an impression on reader.
