Made a C on this paper written by this website: My teacher is allowing me one revision: Original essay attached.
See note from teacher:
You have a strong start here, but your thesis implies that a large part of your argument will be that we should recognize that this is an addiction. While you provide evidence to show that we spend a lot of time on the Internet, much of it is very vague. I think you can make the connection much stronger by showing more specific accounts of how people have ignored other areas of their lives due to Internet addiction.
PAGE 3 paragraph:
Just because we spend more time there doesn’t mean it’s an addiction. Find evidence to show that it is like other addictions.
PAGE 3 Paragraph 2:
Give a more concrete and precise example
PAGE 3 Paragraph 3:
In this paragraph, cite at least one specific example either from a source or your own experience. and
The information in this paragraph it too much specific to really work as a conclusion. Also, the last sentence is the main part of the argument, so it needs to be highlighted in its own paragraph. PROVE that educating users about Internet addiction can reduce it.
correct
some of these citations; you have a nice start, but they are not quite 100% correct.
