Effects of divorce on teenagers
Introduction
Divorce is a stage that is very hard for the parents, but is even more difficult on their teenagers. Most of the divorces that happen affect the teenagers emotionally, psychologically and mentally. Their academics are also affected in one way or another. Many things change in their lives from their physical look to the attitude they acquire as a result of the divorce they have experienced. However, most teenagers do not admit that they are hurting but the truth usually is they are. Parents who have divorced should be able to understand that it is hard to cope with a divorce and should therefore support their children in trying to heal. Further more, they should avoid saying despiteful things about their previous spouse in the presence of the children. In addition, teens are at a stage that is very fragile in life therefore, delicate matters such as divorce could interfere with their growth. Divorce always puts a tension in all the family members. Therefore if a divorce has to happen, parents should try as much as possible to make it as friendly as possible.
Effects of divorce
Dr. Lynn Ponton just like any other writer says in her book that divorce causes fear in the lives of both parents and their teenage children. The risk behavior that I have chosen is sneaking away, staying out all night, living on the streets. She argues that teenage rebellious nature during a divorce is as a result of fighting for power with their parents. This is the natural risk behaviors that they tend to acquire unconsciously due to the tings they are experiencing. In her book, she talks about three teenage children that have different problems in their course of discovering new ideas. She also advices parents on how they can get to understand their teenage children and help them rather than fearing them because of the risk taking activities they tend to engage in. she also talks about how parents can communicate with their children at such times.
In her first chapters of her book, she talks about how parents try to understand how risk taking could contribute to the development of one’s identity. She also gives stories on how children living with single parents have different experiences from those with both parents. Moreover, risk taking is a positive thing n and adolescents’ life. She claims that these risks only become negative when the risks involved become negative. Parents ought to know that teenage risk taking is part of a teenage growing up. According to Laura Lupert, another writer; teenagers that are dealing with a divorce begin to drop in class and perform poorly as compared to their usual performance.
Moreover, many parents make the mistake thinking that the teenagers will only be affected during and after the divorce not knowing that divorce affects them approximately a year before it is finalized. However, the rates at which teens are affected are different. Others will suffer the effects more than others depending on their different personalities and degree of reaction. Teenagers, as compared to young children are affected differently by divorces. Moreover, teens are also not affected in the same ways. However, all teenagers will be affected to different degrees which also contribute to the bad behaviors by teenagers. Some teenagers begin to talk back at grown ups that they once respected, some pick up fights over and over again while others sneak out at night or not attend classes at all. Some cases become as serious as being arrested for doing drugs or stealing. Some teenagers become alcoholics.
These risk behaviors are often ways to release their frustrations and desperations and seeking for attention. On the other hand, they do not seem to take into considerations that the ways that they are acting out have negative impacts. It is easy to determine the possibility of a disturbed teenager. Parents should look out for weird signs or unusual behaviors from teenagers when a divorce arises. Psychological hardships could also be a hint that a teenager is deeply disturbed by a divorce. Further more, any slight difference in attitude, physical fitness or hours of sleep are possible signs of the same and help should be at hand. In addition, the people they hang out with tend to change. Their lifestyle also changes and they begin to do tings they have never done before. Incase of such behavioral changes, a counselor should be recommended. Some teens tend to think that they are the cause of their parents’ divorce.
Teenagers in this stage need to be shown a lot of love, support and care by their parents since they are under going a very trying moment. It is therefore advisable to be open to teens at this moment and show them support and guidance. Teens also need support from their family members both immediate and extended. They are more vulnerable to say their problems when they get support from family and someone to listen to them.
According to the author Kelly Nault, teenagers also react in different ways and engage in risk behaviors for various reasons. The first reaction in most cases is to be angered by the decisions that the parents’ have made. Moreover, Kelly argues that teenagers often withdraw from their parents and look for solace elsewhere due to the anger they have for both parents and depression. Besides they always feel disillusioned with marriage and feel they are not wanted by both parents. Contrary to Laura Lupert, Kelly’s views suggest that teenagers always tend to behave better thinking that it could contribute to saving the marriage. Besides they also feel that someone should be punished for the divorce therefore they tend to take sides. Kelly however thinks that parents could help in preventing such kind of behavior from happening by trying as much as possible to maintain the normal schedule of the family. In this case, the children should be able to spend time with both parents as usual.
Parents should also ensure that they do not seek for support from then teenagers. This shows them the gravity of the matter. Other than that, speaking badly of other parent of the teenagers should be avoided as much as possible. The teenagers should have support from friends and family to help them as the go through this difficult time. Moreover, counselors for both the teens and the parents would really help in surviving a divorce. It could really help children at school. Respect is a very important issue during this time. Parents should ensure they respect each other and the teenagers. This way, they will also earn respect from their teenagers as well. According to Munesh, just like all the previous writers, teenagers experience guilt and feel that they should be blamed for the divorce of their parents. Moreover, they often feel depressed
In conclusion, the three writers all talk about risk taking behaviors. However, Ponton talks about it from two different perspectives. She says that risk taking activities could be positive and negative. Therefore, she suggests that parents should be able to help their children choose these wisely. According to her, positive risk behaviors help in the building of the teenagers’ identity and therefore parents should be supportive enough to help their children. Moreover, the writers have associated these behaviors with divorce. Risk behaviors have been associated as ways to release frustrations caused by divorce. Besides, divorce can be made as friendly as possible trying as much as possible to avoid hurting anyone. In as much as most people have suffered divorces, it is possible to survive on especially if the right procedures are followed
Work cited:
Author Lynn E. Ponton .The romance of risk: why teenagers do the things they do
Publisher Basic Books,1997.
Laura Lupert Garcia, Effects of Divorce on Teenagers eHow, Inc Contributing Writer ,2009.
Kelly Nault. How does Divorce Affect Teenagers? 2005 retrieved on December 8th 2009 from UltimateParent.com
Munish Dev. Effects of Divorce on Children 2009. retrieved on December 8th 2009 from EzineArticles.com
